Gusto kong magkwento kasi ang damidamidami kong gustong ikwento.

Pero ayoko munang masyadong gumalaw kasi masakit katawan ko. Alam mo kung ano ang pinakamasakit na parte ng katawan ko? Pwet. Nakakatawa lang.

Eto ang gist ng kwento:

I got high last weekend, 600 feet high.


Magpapamasahe ako ng tatlong oras mamaya. Isang oras sa pwet. Haha!


At eto nga pala ang kantang paulitulitulit kong pinakikinggan pagkarating namin sa campsite, at hanggang ngayon, Dobie Gray's Drift Away:


Day after day I'm more confused
Yet I look for the light through the pouring rain
You know that's a game that I hate to lose
And I'm feeling the strain
Ain't it a shame

Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock & roll
And drift away
Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock & roll
And drift away

Beginning to think that I'm wasting time
I don't understand the things I do
The world outside looks so unkind
Now I'm counting on you
To carry me through

Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock & roll
And drift away
Yeah, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock & roll
And drift away

And when my mind is free
You know a melody can move me
And when I'm feeling blue
The guitar's coming through
To soothe me

Thanks for the joy that you've given me
I want you to know I believe in your song
And rhythm and rhyme and harmony
You help me along
Making me strong

Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock & roll
And drift away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock & roll
And drift away

Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away

Hey, hey, hey, yeah
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock & roll
And drift away

Now won't you
Won't you take me
Take me.

Close your eyes, think of all the bubbles of the love we made.

- Natalie Imbruglia, Big Mistake

@

This sums up the whole picture: Novelty.

We all fall for that however we painstakingly try to prevent the situation. We're all cretinoids in one way or another. I still can't shake off the disappointment sometimes.

@

This is so out of character and I'm enjoying it, at least for the moment. I'm just not sure how long it will last. Rather, how long I will lust.

@

We all have lapses. I'll consider this a relapse.

@

Hindi oras ang basehan kung kailan kakain ng almusal, pananghalian, o hapunan -- kundi gutom.

@

I'm sorry for peeing in your parade that night. I didn't mean to, I just couldn't hold my pee in anymore. I can no longer hold things in lately.

@

Most of us act by chance, not by choice, most of the time. I don't know if it's a good thing.

@

Beginnings are sudden, but also insidious. They creep up on you sideways, they keep to the shadows, they lurk unrecognized. Then, later, they spring.

-- Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin

"You know how subatomic particles don't obey physical laws? They act according to chance, chaos, & coincidence. They run into each other in the middle of the universe somewhere & bang -- energy! We're the same as that. That's the great thing about the universe: unpredictable."

- Tony Stonem, Skins

It's surprisingly surprising that people (still) ask for my help(/opinion) regarding relationships when all or at least most of them know all or at least most of my relationships have failed and all or at least most of them know how (more) fucked up I've become.


Age is not the only gauge of (/for) wisdom, people. Take my word for it.


Speaking in hyperbole has become a habit.


My new favorite word: blasé.


I must say auto-piloting is quite amusing.


"The beauty of not knowing is hope lives." - The Biscuit/John Cage


Hindi mo ako pinakikinggan, naririnig mo lang ako.

Matagal-tagal-tagal-tagal na akong hindi nagbabasa ng tula, o ng kahit anumang babasahin. Nauubos kasi ang oras ko sa pagbabasa ng newsfeed sa FB. Kada segundo, 3-5 ang nagpopost ng updates. Sa totoo lang, minsan, nakakaumay na. Pati sa plurk, nag-uumpisa na akong magsawa. Eto nga pala, may natisod akong tula:


Song of the Fucked Duck
Marge Piercy

In using there are always two.
The manipulator dances with a partner who cons herself.
There are lies that glow so brightly we consent
to give a finger and then an arm
to let them burn.
I was dazzled by the crowd where everyone called my name.
Now I stand outside the funhouse exit, down the slide
reading my guidebook of Marx in Esperanto
and if I don't know anymore which way means forward
down is where my head is, next to my feet
with a pocketful of words and plastic tokens.
Form follows function, says the organizer
and turns himself into a paperclip,
into a vacuum cleaner,
into a machinegun.
Function follows analysis
but the forebrain
is only an owl in the tree of self.
One third of life we prowl in the grottos of sleep
where neglected worms ripen into dragons
where the spoilt pencil swells into an oak
and the cows of our early sins are called home chewing their cuds
and turning the sad faces of our childhood upon us.
Come back and scrub the floor, the stain is still there,
come back with your brush and kneel down
scrub and scrub again
it will never be clean.
Fantasy unacted sours the brain.
Buried desires sprout like mushrooms on the chin of the morning.
The will to be totally rational
is the will to be made out of glass and steel:
and to use others as if they were glass and steel.
We can see clearly no farther
than our hands can touch.

The cockroach knows as much as you know about living.
We trust with our hands and our eyes and our bellies.
The cunt accepts.
The teeth and back reject.
What we have to give each other:
dumb and mysterious as water swirling.
Always in the long corridors of the psyche
doors are opening and doors are slamming shut.
We rise each day to give birth or to murder
selves that go through our hands like tiny fish.
You said: I am the organizer, and took and used.
You wrapped your head in theory like yards of gauze

and touched others only as tools that fit to your task
and if the tool broke you seized another.
Arrogance is not a revolutionary virtue.
The manipulator liberates only
the mad bulldozers of the ego to level the ground.
I was a tool that screamed in the hand.
I have been loving you so long and hard and mean
and the taste of you is part of my tongue
and your face is burnt into my eyelids
and I could build you with my fingers out of dust
and now it is over.
Whether we want or not
our roots go down to strange waters,
we are creatures of the seasons and the earth.
You always had a reason and you have them still
rattling like dried leaves on a stunted tree.




Lupet no?



At eto pa, Semisonic song na ilang araw nang tumutugtog sa utak ko pero wala naman siya kay Luciani, wala rin sa imeem kaya di ko mapakinggan:


Secret Smile

Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile
And you use it only for me
Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile
And you use it only for me

So use it and prove it
Remove this whirling sadness
I'm losing, I'm bluesing
But you can save me from madness

Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile
And you use it only for me
Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile
And you use it only for me

So save me I'm waiting
I'm needing, hear me pleading
And soothe me, improve me
I'm grieving, I'm barely believing now
Now

When you are flying around and around the world
And I'm lying alonely
I know there's something sacred and free reserved
And received by me only



Pengeng copy ng song? Katamad mag-download eh. Hehe.

You are my favorite subject 'cause you're often mistaken as someone else.

A few mornings ago, my head played the song Usok by Asin (which I haven't heard for more than 20 years mind you):

Isip mo'y unti unting nawawala nalilito
Ang tulad mo'y parang usok unti-unting naglalaho
Tanging hiling ko lang sayo, nakaraan ay tanggapin
At ang ngayon ay harapin, ang bukas mo ay darating pa
Kaya't wag sanang damdamin pagkat ito'y payo lamang
Mula sa akin kaibigan na sa iyo'y nagmamahal

Huwag mong sayangin ang panahon pagkat ito'y may hangganan
Buksan mo ang pintuan kasama ng iyong puso

Tinangay na ng hangin ang masamang panaginip
Kaya't bigyan mo ng puwang ang puso mong nalulumbay


Tapos siyempre naalala ko ang tatay ko kasi siya ang nagparinig sa akin ng mga kanta ng Asin, CSNY (Crosby Stills Nash & Young), Air Supply, Kenny Rogers, Bee Gees, Freddie Aguilar, Seals & Crofts, etc. Kaya siguro ako nahilig sa folk rock music. Ay mali, kaya ako nahilig sa folk rock music. At sa scrabble.


At dahil pini-PMS ako at dahil I'm not happy when it rains at dahil nalaman kong may girlfriend ka na at dahil nawala yung susi ko:

Kaunting galaw mo lang, nayayanig na ang buong mundo ko.


Gumaganooooooooon?!

Mas gusto ko yang pauso ni Baby kesa sa nakakainit ng ulo na Mehganoooooooooooon?!



I recently realized I like people more from afar.
Maybe because I'm far-sighted?


Lust. Lost. Last.
In any order.



"You don't own it until it costs you."
-- from the movie True Colors



I lost my Nike knapsack which has been with me for 10 years. Inside it were my camera, a 9-year old phone, a 2-year old earphones (the only, best, & longest in-ear earphones I've had), Koya's X-mini capsule speakers, my kikay kit which I had since college (yes i do have a kikay kit, nyeta), a pen with flashlight and another pen which I had for a year or so, my favorite pink shirt designed by a friend, my wallet (do i have to enumerate what's inside a wallet?), my kwek-kwek bracelet and 2 other bracelets made & given by a long-time friend, an almost-filled journal given to me just last year, a book borrowed last year which I planned to return for the longest time but had the urge to re-read, a 2-GB USB with poems, pictures, etc etc etc and... etc etc etc. Spent the entire Holy Wednesday mourning.

Oh wait, I didn't lose them. They got stolen.



'I know' sounds so so so much better than 'Alam ko'.



People invent reasons for being who they are, for not being who they're supposed to be.



What's the score? 0-0.
A love match?

Not in tennis lingo. We're not playing tennis here, or are we?



Sana hindi na ako maging alipin ng sana.



It's that time of the month when I seasonably find a bottle of Red Horse Beer inside the fridge and get the urge to drink by myself. But I end up drinking not by myself. Thank heavens for kindred spirits I don't have to finish 1 liter of beer by myself. Ha ha.



Sentimental is synonymous to emotional.
Noong panahon ko senti pa ang term na ginagamit, ngayon emo na.



You're too loud. Nabibingi ako sayo.
I can't hear (you).



Fishing ka lagi ah. Baka buwaya kumagat sa pain mo sige ka.
Pain nga ba ang Filipino ng English word na bait?



A friend has a clock, not a wall clock but the alarm clock kind of clock, in her bathroom. Its ticktock sounds louder than my wiwi's woosh that it's disturbing.



You wore your shield close to your chest the way you wear your words close to your heart.



Today is April 24.

I'm turning 30.
Bite me.



You know why I like Red? Because it means Stop.



Ang dami ko pang gustong sabihin pero may deadline ako eh, noong Tuesday pa dapat. Friday na pala, hindi ko namalayan.

Bakit naman kasi bumibilis ang takbo mo ngayon, Oras? Sino ba ang hinahabol mo?

Gagawa ka ng tarantaduhan tapos kapag tinarantado ka, natataranta(do) ka.

Tarantado ka pala eh.


(**)


Uy uy may tula ako, eto o:

Boso

Sinilip kita,
tinusok mo ako sa mata.
Hindi na mauulit,
awat na.


Isusubmit ko sa Palanca 'yan. Sabi sa http://www.palancaawards.com.ph:

Deadline of Submission of Entries: 41 days, 7 hours, 25 minutes, and 2 seconds remaining


Halakhakan!



(**)


Wala ng silbi ang (paghabol sa) oras.



(**)


B: Ang weird talaga ng humor mo. May nakakagets naman sayo?

A: Oo naman. Pero madalas, kailangan kong i-explain para magets nila kaya madalas, di na sila natatawa.

B: Ay, kawawa ka naman. Olats ang humor mo para sa kanila. Buti nagegets kita no?

A: Gago siyempre kasi weird din ang humor mo.


Halakhakan!



(**)


I have a new god. His name is Morrissey.

Something Is Squeezing My Skull

I'm doing very well
I can block out the present and the past now
I know by now you think I should have straightened myself out
Thank you, drop dead

Oh, something is squeezing my skull
Something I can barely describe
There is no love in modern life

I'm doing very well
It's a miracle I even made it this far
The motion of taxis excites me
Will you peel it back and bite me?

Oh, something is squeezing my skull
Something I can barely describe
There is no hope in modern life

Oh, something is squeezing my skull
Something I can't fight
No true friends in modern life

Diazepam, that's Valium
Temazepam, Lithium
HRT, ECT... how long must I stay on this stuff?

Don't gimme anymore
Don't gimme anymore
Don't gimme anymore
Don't gimme anymore
Please don't gimme anymore
Don't gimme anymore
Don't gimme anymore
You swore you would not gimme anymore
Don't gimme anymore
Don't gimme anymore
Don't gimme anymore
Please don't gimme anymore
Don't gimme anymore
Don't gimme anymore
You swore you would not gimme anymore
Don't gimme anymore
Don't gimme anymore
Don't gimme anymore
Gimme anymore
Gimme anymore
Gimme anymore
Gimme anymore
Gimme anymore
You swore
You swore
You swore
You swore you would not gimme anymore
Gimme anymore
Gimme anymore
Gimme anymore
Gimme anymore
Gimme anymore.

Hindi ko napanood ang Final Set ng Eraserheads. Bakit kanyo? Kasi galit ako sa komersiyalismo at kapitalismo. Ulul. Hindi, joke lang. Kasi naulul ako noong araw na 'yon. Kaya ngayon, heto ako basang-basa sa ulan walang masisilungan walang malalapitan sana'y may luha pa akong mailuluha at nang mabawasan ang aking kalungkutan. Kaya ngayon, natuto na ako. Kung sakaling magkaron ng reunion concert ang Aegis, hinding-hindi ko palalampasin. Ay teka, nagdisband na ba sila? Hindi pa yata eh. Hindi na muna ako makikinig ng E-heads para hindi ko maalala na hindi ko napanood ang Final Set. Hinding-hindi na muna. Kasi hindi ko kayang tanggapin na mawawala ka sa aking piling napakasakit na marinig ang Final Set dahil hindi ko napanood. Ang April Boys kaya magkakaron din ng reunion concert?



(**)



Supermodelcouple of the whole wide universe, makikita sa isang magasin.

Abangan!



(**)


Get ready!

Meron akong ano meron akong kwento meron akong ano meron akong kwento!

Awalawalawalawalawala!

Ilang oras pagkatapos kong makikanta sa kantang 'yan habang pinatutugtog siya ni Luciani, nakatanggap ako ng text message na dedbols na raw si FrancisM. Nakalulungkot pero ganyan talaga ang buhay. Sabi nga nila, una-unahan lang 'yan. O unahan lang 'yan?



(**)



Isang umagang eksena sa Jollibee drive-thru ng Jollibee, nasabi ng gutom na gutom sa gutom na si Cherrie sa isang Jollibee crew:

"Miss for takeout yan ha?"

Halakhakan!



(**)



If I go back, I go back to the beginning because that's where it all started.

And because I'd find you there.



(**)



I'm starting to sound like the person I once hated.

You're starting to sound like the person you once hated.



(**)


axy: hi, kumusta?
axx: eto mejo busy.
axy: salamat pala sa mga advices
axx: di mo naman pinakinggan.
axy: wala akong masabi sa totoo lang. nahihiya ako sa mga ginawa ko
axx: that's good.
axy: pero ngayon nagpapasalamat pa rin ako at naayos naman lahat
axx: naayos? buti naman.
axy: tinapos ko na ko na yung kay xxx, though ako yung lumalabas na tae sa mga tao. hehehe
axx: sino pa ba? hehehe.
axy: hahaha. anyway, happy ako ngayon kasi wala na akong iniisip


+++ At tumahimik muna ako dahil tumaas ang degrees celsius ng ulo ko, siguro kasi summer na pero gusto kong sabihin 'Wow buti ka pa happy. Kumusta na kaya yung mga taong sinaktan mo?' pero siyempre hindi ko sinabi kasi baka mag-OD na naman siya. Two minutes later:


axy: nagpapasalamat din ako kay xxx kasi dahil sa kanya, narealize ko mga maling ginawa ko at pinagsisihan ko lahat
axx: walk the talk this time. we're all tired of hearing those words, quite bluntly.
axy: basta kung sakaling magkita tayo, i-kwento ko sayo
axx: hindi ko na kailangan marinig ang kwento. ayusin mo nalang buhay mo.
axy: basta gusto ko lang sana, maibalik kung ano tayo dati and gagawin ko lahat para maprove ko sarili ko sa inyong lahat. di pa naman huli ang lahat.

+++ Deadma. One minute later:

axy: anyway, salamat ulit and have a great day. take care. i love you.


He reminds me so much of my father. That's probably why I loved and hated him. He sounds so much like my father that it's almost sickening. I don't think I can stand seeing him or talking to him in the not-so-distant future.

Ang sama ko ba? Sabi ko naman sayo, I'm not nice. Biruin mo, five years din akong nagpanggap na nice sa kanya.



(**)



Ang laro, nilalaro talaga 'yan.

Ang gulo, magulo talaga 'yan.



(**)



Ang pinakamabisang lunas sa kaululan: Bilyar.

Matututo rin ako niyan, tagamosabatobatopik.



(**)



"You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book, or you take a trip, and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death."

– Anais Nin

Kapag sinabi kong 'Ayoko na.', ayoko na talaga.

Pero kapag sinabi kong 'Gusto ko pa.', gusto ko pa ba talaga?


+


I don't trust myself around you.

I don't trust myself.

And you.


+

Bakit kaya kinikilig ako kapag tinatawag mo akong tarantado?

Kapag gago naman, mej mej lang na kilig.


+


Our world has become a circus, in an unamusing way.

Beyb said people are looking like freaks in costumes.


+


Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to ask and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

- Rumi


+


Sometimes what I write is different from what I thought of writing, like my pen has a mind of its own. Tas parang salimpusa lang ako kasi sila lang ng papel ang nagkakaintindihan.

Old man lying by the side of the road
With the lorries rolling by,
Blue moon sinking from the weight of the load
And the buildings scrape the sky,
Cold wind ripping down the alley at dawn
And the morning paper flies,
Dead man lying by the side of the road
With the daylight in his eyes.

Don't let it bring you down
It's only castles burning,
Find someone who's turning
And you will come around.

Blind man running through the light of the night
With an answer in his hand,
Come on down to the river of sight
And you can really understand,
Red lights flashing through the window in the rain,
Can you hear the sirens moan?
White cane lying in a gutter in the lane,
If you're walking home alone.

Don't let it bring you down
It's only castles burning,
Just find someone who's turning
And you will come around.

Don't let it bring you down
It's only castles burning,
Just find someone who's turning
And you will come around.


- Neil Young's Don't Let It Bring You Down


Annie Lennox's version was nonetheless splendid but as they say, nothing beats the original.



(*)


I'm bored and I'm enjoying it.



(*)


P: I miss the old you.

M: I don't. But hey, I am old so... there. Hihi.

Listening to Josephine Cronholm's If I Apologised on a Monday morning can be relaxing. I first heard this while watching the last part of Mirrormask. I should find a copy of the movie.


*


It's surprising how exciting things still excite me, now.


*


My new favorite word is: (un)de(r)construction.


*


After deconstruction comes reconstruction.


*


Spent 4-5 hours walking around a couple of malls with Koya yesterday. Sobrang nakakapagod pero sulit na sulit. He finally got what he's been asking for for months. He named it Camtera, napanaginipan daw niya kagabi. Amazing :)


*


A few nights ago a girl said to me 'I'm a man of my word'. Unbelievably unbelievable.


*


Na-late ako nung PP lecture ni Sir Egay. Nakapanghihinayang. Next time, hinding-hindi na talaga ako male-late. Di ba nga nagbago na dapat ako?

Panalong hirit ni Sir Emong: Di ba uso dati yung mga acronyms na ITALY, JAPAN, etc.? May bago akong alam na hindi lugar. YAMAHA - You Are My Angel Happy Anniversary

Panalong hirit ni El Presidente Ad Infinitum Xam: Who says poetry is not sexy? Poetry is sexy! Kaya maglabas tayo ng calendar. Every month magfefeature tayo ng poet na naka-swimsuit lang.

Yung ibang mga hirit saka ko na ikukwento. Marami-rami eh. Ang sarap lang na manood at makinig.


*


Magtatagpo pa tayo -- hindi sa parallel universe, hindi sa next life, hindi sa another dimension, hindi sa panaginip, hindi sa langit...

Basta magtatagpo pa tayo, itagamosabato.


*


I've put 'Sorry, I can't.' as a template on my phone today.


*


Everyday routine since Monday last week:

I wake up at 6:00 A.M. My friend picks me up at 6:45 A.M. I'm at the office by 7:30 A.M.

(office hours are 9:00 A.M. to 6:00 P.M.)

My cousin picks me up at exactly 6:00 P.M. We go... somewhere.

I'm home by 9:00 P.M.

I'm in bed by 10:00 P.M.

(I turn my phone off just so noone can disturb my sleep. But then the thought of an unanswered emergency text or call worries me so I turn it on again. This has been an everyday struggle.)

I'm in dreamland by 11:00 P.M.


I'm hoping to turn this into a habit. Mejo sumablay lang nung Friday. Aherrrmmm.


*


I chanced upon a book while walking around Cubao X, didn't buy it yet since I have countless of unread books on my shelf. When I opened the middle part of The Blind Assassin, Margaret Atwood said:

When you're young, you think everything you do is disposable. You move from now to now, crumpling time up in your hands, tossing it away. You're your own speeding car. You think you can get rid of things, and people too - leave them behind. You don't know yet about the habit they have, of coming back.

Time in dreams is frozen. You can never get away from where you've been.

Listened to Waking Life to wake myself up at work, seems like caffeine's not working for me effectively anymore.

I'm obsessing on the part where the main character listened to Timothy "Speed" Levitch. I liked the way he spoke, his delivery made these lines more interesting, I've been listening to this part over and over and over and over:
(here's the link on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMsk-lzppNg WATCH!!! LISTEN!!!)

"On this bridge," Lorca warns, "life is not a dream. Beware. And beware. And beware." And so many think because Then happened, Now isn't. But didn't I mention the ongoing "wow" is happening right now? We are all co-authors of this dancing exuberance where even our inabilities are having a roast. We are the authors of ourselves, co-authoring a gigantic Dostoevsky novel, starring clowns. This entire thing we're involved with called the world, is an opportunity to exhibit how exciting alienation can be. Life is a matter of a miracle that is collected over time by moments, flabbergasted to be in each other's presence. The world is an exam to see if we can rise into the direct experiences. Our eyesight is here as a test to see if we can see beyond it. Matter is here as a test for our curiosity. Doubt is here as an exam for our vitality. Thomas Mann wrote that he would rather participate in life than write 100 stories. Giacometti was once run down by a car, and he recalled falling into a lucid faint, a sudden exhilaration, as he realized that at last something was happening to him. An assumption develops that you cannot understand life and live life simultaneously. I do not agree entirely. Which is to say I do not exactly disagree. I would say that life understood is life lived. But the paradoxes bug me, and I can learn to love and make love to the paradoxes that bug me. And on really romantic evenings of self, I go salsa dancing with my confusion. Before you drift off, don't forget. Which is to say, remember. Because remembering is so much more a psychotic activity than forgetting. Lorca, in that same poem said that the iguana will bite those who do not dream. And as one realizes that one is a dream figure in another person's dream, that is self awareness.


Here's the real Speed Levitch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSb4UMeomGg

My shrink-of-choice has been avoiding me. I wish she hasn’t decided to abandon me. It’s only been 2 days and already I’m suffering from separation anxiety. Sigh.



Huypst! Huwag mong pabayaang umakyat lahat sa utak mo. Sige ka baka mag-rupture yan delikado ka. Pwede namang mapunta sa ibang parte ng katawan mo tulad ng sa tadyang, kasu-kasuan, atay, o sa boobs! Okay? Okay.



Bakit minsan napakadaling tumango pero napakahirap umiling?



Napansin ko lately madalas kong isulat lahat ng mga gagawin ko o mga plano kong gawin.
Natutunan ko yata sa kanya ‘to. At sobrang nag-eenjoy akong mag-isang nanonood ng TV sa kwarto, na natutunan ko rin sa kanya. Patapos na ‘ko sa Season 2 ng Ally McBeal. Three more
seasons to go!



Eto ang bago kong paboritong salita: (ka)tahimik(an).

Amen.



Nitong mga nakaraang linggo, may isang mahalagang bagay pa akong natutunan:

Dahan-dahan lang dapat ang paglilinis para walang mapuwing.



Here are some of my favorite lines from Ally McBeal:

By not going down the road it remains the road ahead, which excites me. It even brings me joy. – John Cage aka The Biscuit

Excuse my bluntness, it’s a device I use to cope. – Elaine Vassal

Whatever the virtues of balance is it’s just a pleasant form of insanity. – Billy Thomas

It must really mean something if you’re so afraid of it. – Whipper

Happiness can be found in one word: Denial. – Richard Fish

It’s not supposed to last. It can’t last, of course not! But who says the best loves do? – Tracy, Ally’s crazy shrink! Gotta <3 her! : )




Play Forward Play Stop Play Stop Play Pause

Rewind Pause Play Forward Play Rewind Pause Play Stop.

oh hey i completely forgot there's Fast Forward/Fast Rewind button.
hmmm…



I like putting my hand(s) inside my pocket(s) instead of having them dangle around or sway back and forth and touch those which I shouldn’t. My hand(s) get to rest when inside my pocket(s).




Million-dollar question of the day:

What’s the difference between stable and steady?

Amusingly funny convo on the way home with my favorite insan:

M: Nakita mo yun? May ambulance sa labas ng funeral parlor!

A: Ay di ko nakita, nagtetext ako. Sure ka na ambulance yun? Ang weird naman. Bakit magkaka-ambulance sa funeral parlor?!

M: Hindi ko nga alam eh pero sure ako ambulance yung nakita ko! Gusto mo bumalik pa tayo eh.

A: Wag na, kita mo ng traffic eh.

M: Baka ita-transport nila yung patay somewhere pero bakit magmamadali eh patay na? Di ba ginagamit ang ambulance kapag nagmamadali?

A: Hahaha! Ewan. Hmmm. Ah alam ko na! Para kapag biglang nabuhay ang patay, madadala nila agad sa hospital!


* @ *


Eto pa isang convo namin several months ago:


A: Di mo na ba itutuloy ang paglo-law mo?

M: Gusto ko pa nga sana eh kaso sayang yung sweldo sa work ko!

A: Eh ganun talaga, mahihirapan ka pagsabayin work at law school.

M: Oh noooo! Di ko na mabibili mga luho ko.

A: Oo nga at magmumukha ka nang dugyot!

M: Di bale nang mukhang dugyot, matalino naman!

A: Hahaha! Uyeh!


* @ *


Quotable quote from HoRney:

"Gabi na amoy araw ka pa rin!"


* @ *


Another convo with a friend I haven’t seen in months:


Z: Are you seeing anyone right now?

A: I see dead people.

Z: So, what makes you happy?

A: Beer.

Z: You're a schizo. Go pay a visit to the shrink.

A: No thanks. I don't want to make it official.


* @ *


Slept with a cat beside me several nights ago at a friend’s house. The guest room’s now named after me hihi. The cat, Kiko, woke me a coupla times by scratching my (fore)head. Akala ko paggising ko puro na ako scratch marks. Pag nakikita na niyang success ang panggigising nya, bigla siyang titihaya. Cue for me to scratch him back. I think he’s gay by the way. Such a sweetie sweet cat.

Watched Pulp Fiction (the second time around) that same night. I missed Vanilla Coke. I gathered Quentin’s films are better watched with company or you’d have to watch them again (and again perhaps) to better appreciate them. Especially when you’re not exactly a huge fan of blood and gore.

Here are my favorite lines:

That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence. – Mia Wallace

Just because you are a character doesn't mean that you have character. – The Wolf


* @ *


My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.

- Ashleigh Brilliant


* @ *


Some people lie to protect the truth, their truths. And ultimately, to protect themselves.


* @ *


And yet another convo with a yet another friend hihi:


A: It's friday the 13th, I'm hearing the Twilight Zone background music
F: Are you sure it's not just in your head?
A: It is playing inside my head but Luciani's playing Friday I'm In Love
F: Thought so. Tsk tsk tsk
A: Listen to Friday i'm in love for good vibes!
F: I don't like love anymore
A: It's just a song, pretend that you still love love hihi. Pretense is the best escape ya know
F: Don't i always pretend I'm well? That's why no one could really recognize that I'm carrying a mad monster caged in my chest. Because I pretend I'm fine, because it's a stage out there
A: Yes life is one big fucking theatrical stage tengenengtengtenggggg
F: Kinang ina... Tagal ko nang hinihintay ang curtain call. Kulit ng director eh, gusto pa haha
A: Kasi nag eenjoy ang mga manonood, baka nga magrequest pa ng encore!
F: Haha!

AXY: Busy? Pwede tumawag?

AXX: Sorry medyo busy eh. Text nalang. At medyo wala rin ako sa mood. Baka PMS.

AXY: I’m confused.

AXX: You’re not gay. I am. Or maybe you are.

AXY: Hindi ko alam kung anong gusto kong gawin sa buhay ko.

AXX: Aling parte ng buhay mo?

AXY: May mga desisyon akong ginawa na di ko muna pinag-isipan at ngayon dumating na sa puntong nalilito na ako.

AXX: This I gotta say, a perfectly fabulous line: Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

AXY: Alam mo naman tinutukoy ko di ba? Di kasi ako nag-iisip.

AXX: Hindi na tayo bata para maging impulsive lagi. We’re supposedly older and wiser, let’s try to live up to that. Pag-isipan nating maigi ang mga gagawin natin. Yun ‘ata yung sinasabi nilang maturity. Hindi lang ako sure sa spelling.

AXY: Bakit ganoon, naiisip ko siya? Di siya maalis sa utak ko. Ano gagawin ko? Ang selfish ko.

AXX: Kumusta ba naman siya? Kumusta naman ang usap nyo? May pareho ba kayong interes? Palagay mo ba kaya nyo sakyan ang trip ng isa't-isa? Lahat naman ng tao selfish but it’s an actual fact we don’t bravely acknowledge. The challenge is how to regulate our selfishness.

AXY: Pareho kami ng ugali. Madali kami magsawa sa mga bagay-bagay.

AXX: So posibleng madali nyong pagsasawaan ang isa’t isa? If that rocks your boat, eh di ayos. I-assess mo rin kung kaya mong mawala yung isa sa buhay mo. Wag kang unfair sa kanila pareho. Matakot ka sa karma, nangangain ng tanga yun.

AXY: Hindi talaga ako nag-iisip! Thanks. I love you.

AXX: Nakakalimutan mo lang i-switch on minsan ang utak mo.

AXY: Nood ka ng Eheads?

AXX: Yes!!!

AXY: Paubos na yung tig P1,300. Meron ka na?

AXX: Wala pa, pini-PMS nga ako eh.

AXY: VIP – 5K, Gold – 3K, Silver – 1.3 K, Bronze – 0.3K

AXX: Ang mahal naman! Lintek. Sige Silver na tayo.


@ @ @


Why weren't you content in seeing me naked?

Maybe you saw too many scars.

And maybe my breasts are too small.

Don't ask me what my favorite food was in high school.

Ask me what I'm craving for at the moment.



For the first time in 9 years, I saw these gathered inside my drawer:

2 pieces of choco donuts, 1 chocolate brownie, 1 pack of Lala milk chocolate, and 1 ensaymada.

A warning should come off as a caution, not a threat.


@ @ @


You should know that I am not nice.

But I am trying. Please don’t make me stop.


@ @ @


Over the years, I have been asked to wear different clothes. I was under the impression that those clothes were lent, not given. But they never asked the clothes back. They wanted me to wear them. Some fit me, some just didn't -- made me look silly, made me lose and/or gain pounds, and even if some made me feel good about myself, some made me avoid mirrors.

Each one of them said I look good on every piece of clothing they asked me to wear. They wanted to see how they wanted to see me. I let them. I became the clothes they asked me to wear. I became who they wanted me to be.

Then you came. You asked me to take all those clothes off, piece by piece. It took some time, you almost lost patience. I felt naked with you. I became naked for you. But after seeing me without clothes on, you asked me to peel my skin off up to the subcutaneous layer. And then you asked to see my innards. You said you wanted to make sure my lungs, kidney, liver, stomach are in perfect condition, when all you wanted to see was my…


@ @ @


I noticed how easily I can remember and forget.

I wish I can choose which to remember and forget.


@ @ @


Old age made me realize one thing:

Soon enough my belly will be bigger than my boobs.


@ @ @


"... You didn’t die of a broken heart, it just felt like you were going to. I knew from personal experience that if you just kept moving, acting as if you weren’t bleeding inside, you didn’t die, and eventually you stopped wanting to. "

- Laurell K. Hamilton, Incubus Dreams

Don't like the colour
Don't like the flavour
Don't like the fact I've never met my saviour
Is he around when the world is wailing?
Is he around when I am failing?

There is no divine intervention here
Promises will never ever curve my dreams
There is no divine intervention here
Just a girl with bulletproof belief

Can't buy the potion
And I've never seen the light
You won't protect me walking home at night
You can't stop me smoking
You won't lend me money
You never open up the clouds
And make it bright and, bright and sunny

It's a homemade, spin on ice age
A little heavy on the 10-step guide range
I'm looking skywards, when all I need is here
I've got my outernet to catch me falling

-- Julia Darling


@ @ @


Finally got my copy of Ally McBeal, seasons one to five, watched the first two episodes. Twelve seconds after the third episode started, I couldn’t stop my eyes from dozing off. No, Ally did not bore me. In fact, it felt splendid seeing her again. Hihi. Tonight, I’ll pick up where I left off last night. See you later, Ally! :D

Hindi mo naiintindihan kasi ayaw mong intindihin pero hindi mo naman kailangang maintindihan.


~~~


Have you ever felt despair? Absolute hopelessness? Have you ever stood in the darkness and known, deep in your heart, in your spirit, that it was never, ever going to get better That something had been lost, forever, and that it wasn't coming back?

- Jim Butcher, Storm Front


~~~


Please do no leave your valuables...


unattended.